dear tumblr,

i don’t have a job or school to focus on. i’m alone for 75% of the day, and i spend most of my time sleeping or staring at the computer. even if i were to get a job at this point.. what does it even mean? i should be focusing on doing what i love, i guess. i have all the time in the world, right? then why am i wasting all of it? what the fuck am i waiting for?

love and things.

♪ ♫ ♪

coheed and cambria - good apollo, i’m burning star iv vol. i
aphex twin - richard d. james
the pillows - fool on the planet

dear tumblr,

I AM NOT DEAD.
in fact, i’m doing pretty well.
i’m engaged now! :

jeffrey, zach, and i made an ep for tom when we found out he had mono (you can find my track here 8D) and drove up to st. louis to surprise him with it. we had dericious indian food, and went to cathedral basilica, and i tried bubble tea for the first time, and then we went to the city museum (which is the best thing in the world ^u^) and after we explored, jeffrey took me to the back (with the turtles!) and proposed. i wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
also, this :
 
so yes. sorry for the lack of updates. there’s a whole chunk of my life missing now D: oh well. iz get back to business soon.

love and things.

♪ ♫ ♪

younger brother - the last days of gravity
skywatchers - the skywatcher’s handbook
snow patrol - eyes open

i fucking love having a light on my bedside table.

(Source: imgfave, via tsubamedagger)

happy thanksgiving =*^A^*=

(Source: pusheen, via morethanjustablipintime)

dear tumblr,

there is no catching up on tumblr. i just spend the last two hours attempting to do so. oh god.

anyways. here is this. 
sunday - i left for the airport at like, eight in the morning. my first flight was all bumpy and freaked me out. the second was fine though. got into new york around 2:30. as soon as i was settled in, we went for amazing sushi at.. kouzon? something like that. i had hot sake :D it was dericious. my aunt and i got drunk together XD
monday - this was a horrible day. but not as horrible as i thought it was. i was super super super scared. but fentanyl (they also gave me midazolam) is basically like, the best thing ever. and i need more of it. it makes you feel like you’re floating and wonderful. (update : i just read about it. maybe i don’t need more if it o_o;;; ) i went home and almost immediately went to sleep.
tuesday - SLEEP. ALL DAY. ERRRRDAY.
wednesday - i threw up. a lot. it was pretty awful. but it was my own fault for not eating and taking pain killers like candy.
thursday -  i saw the radio city christmas show! with the rockettes! it was awesome :D there were cute girls with legs and things and real midgets and animals and millions of santas. if you ever have the chance to attend, you really should. especially to see the toy soldier skit. afterwards, we went out for expensive italian food. i had lamb shank :O and champagne! classy classy.
friday - i had my checkup (and got a present from the dentist D: D: D: ) and then my aunt and i got manicures and pedicures and short neck / shoulder massages. i felt like a princess and it was wonderful n/////n (also, my aunt made amazing soup D: )
saturday - my aunt and uncle’s friend jane took me out. she was.. an interesting character. anyways, we went ice skating! (i totally managed to not fall the entire time 8D) then to central park. oh yeah. she had a fucking vespa and it was the best thing ever. once i have the money, i’m definitely going to gget one. i think she said it took five dollars to fill up her tank every other week or something. jesus christ. it would save so much monies.. plus, i would look like a badass. or maybe it would just be really cute.
sunday - went out with jane again. rode on teh vespa, went to ground zero, walked through a street fair, saw a horrible movie (moneyball), then met up with my aunt and uncle for dericious pasta.
monday - it was pretty hectic until i left. lots of hugs and goodbyes. i really enjoyed myself in new york, and am so happy to have seen my aunt and uncle again, but i’m glad i’m home (if only until tomorrow..) i missed jeffrey and my kitties and my bed.. i had a warm welcome home :3 jeffrey and i had like, the best sex ever. 

not a single fuck was given today (well, at least for the first few hours after i woke up.) i lounged as much as i could. i dun really want to leave tomorrow.. but i’m excited to hang out with tyler and ian and hito and then see everyone in cincinnati later in the week. it should be a good time (as long as this bladder infection goes away :<)

love and things.

 ♪ ♫ ♪

broken toys - from sun to moon
counting crows - august and everything after
imogen heap - speak for yourself

(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

(Source: fyeahartstudentowl)

dear tumblr,

i guess this really isn’t much of an update, just rambling. i smoked myself into a series of panic attacks on sunday. i was paralyzed, unable to feel my fingers or toes while my mind raced, going over every memory, every detail i could think of. i couldn’t stop. i was afraid i would forget something. at the same time, i couldn’t remember feeling alive in any of my memories. i remember the details, but not my attachment to them.

i dunno mang, it was just a surreal experience.. kind of scared the piss out of me.

love and things.

♪ ♫ ♪

shpongle - are you shpongled?
ott - hallucinogen in dub
asian kung-fu generation - surf bungaku kamakura

ps:

watch this fucking movie - tekkonkinkreet.

dear tumblr,

i apologize for the length and rambliness and bad grammarness of what you are about to read. there was a lot to write and i really didn’t feel like being articulate. anyways. this post is mainly for sugoicon, but here are a few previous updates :
- piasa’s deerhead show went okay. most people were there for the world series game, but i did manage to pass out ten demos :D
- tom, jeffrey, and i went pumpkin picking! and goat petting! etc. etc. etc. we also met up with emily and went to the willard library grey lady tour. and then we met up with the 506 house and watched “nightmare before christmas”. it was a good day.
- mouse got his eye all mussed up again, so i had to take him to the emergency room, but i think it’s better now.
- piasa’s fire family show was fucking fantaaastic. i dressed up like a zombie

and passed out almost fifty demos (i had to go home to make more D: ) then we went back to noah and meghan’s house for drinking and hookah and fire and street fighter.
- halloween, zach and i went over to ashley’s house for pancakes and omlets and to watch “one hour photo”. the rest of halloween was sad. i did carve my pumpkin to look like mouse (but i don’t have a picture of it..)

~~~

SUGOICON :D

thursday: so, i left around noon. did not get to cincinnati until seven @_@ mostly because of things like this.. 

 fifty miles of shoulder driving. and heavy rain. i was super stressed out by the end of it. so i locked my keys in my car. and payed a hundred dollars (with the help of tyler D: ) and two hours standing out in the rain to unlock it. (we called the campus unlock service but the guy couldn’t do it u_u) we finally got to my dock party around eleven (thankfully/unfortunately, the dock doesn’t open until ten. i hope no one showed up and then left at eight..) it was fun. allison bought me jello shots and tinney bought me a “pie crust”? it tastes like berry pie. dericious. then we all danced. and smoked cigarettes. and it was fun. i actually slept without ambien that night. it was fantastic.

friday: sadly, we didn’t get to the convention until like, five. i wore this :D  



yes. there was lots of drinking. we’ll get to that. lazy bullet points till things worth describing in detail GAO :
- ATE FUCKING CHIPOTLE. YEAH BUDDY.
- unloaded the car
- walked around the convention
- introduced titus and allison :D (they like eachother. it’s cute.)
- boughts teh liquors
everyone wanted to drink as soon as we brought the liquor in (it was like, eight.) i apparently thought that it was too early, so i went in search friends. i quickly realized everyone i knew was already plastered, so i returned to my room and caught up. there was a lot of wandering and room jumping after that. and cigarettes. and banter. and the cuddles. and the smoking. i was headbutted in the tit by a seventeen year old. there’s a picture of me in my faye costume with a horse head  on. other things happen that i can’t remember too well >_> people are silly when they drink. i guess i’m pretty silly when i drink too. (apparently hito had to go to the hospital later that night while i was sleeping :<)

saturday : horrible hangover day. i got up around noon. tyler, ian, and i all went to cure our death with SUSHI. amazing sushi. we were so incredibly under dressed x3 we got back to the convention around two. i got my pretty on (i never put my faye costume back on :< horrible blisters.. i’m hopefully going to wear it at ohayo though) and then we headed down to ddr with titus :D then i got carried out of ddr. literally? o_O i failed and some kid picked me up and pet my head and told me it was okay. and set me outside the game room. anyways..
- met up with weller and kai and went to the dealers room
- there was a concert with cute japanese girls (after some really horrible death metal band played). “run run girl” i think was the name?
- started feeling really sick :<
- went to phillip’s room and a million drunk people assaulted me with their words
i finally met up with chloe and we went off to the dance dressed all opposite and cute and things (i wore pink and white and she wore blue and black). i had to keep leaving to take a break unfortunately, because i was all sick. it sucked. i mostly just talked with everyone. lots of emotional conversations and whatnot. and lots of cigarettes again. only a little drink though.
oh yeah. con drama : some shithead seventeen year old said he was eighteen so we let him stay in our room. until he “accidentally” did pcp. and went around the entire convention telling everyone he was fucked up. then we found out he was actually seventeen. he was kicked out. jerkface :<

sunday : we basically woke up, packed, ate food, said goodbye, and left. hito was pretty sick from not sleeping at all, so he wanted to go home. it was okay though, i had a really wonderful time. i wasn’t able to do too much con stuff, but i was able to make friends. and get closer to my old ones. i can’t wait for ohayocon <3

~~~

sunday i’ll be leaving again for new york and then cincinnati and then maryland. i’ll be gone for three weeks :/ it’s going to be a nice change of pace, but it probably will not end well emotionally. i haven’t been away from jeffrey and my home for that long in.. well, a long time. i’m such a clingy little thing D:

btw, panda and i totally beat “the house of the dead” yesterday.
WE ARE BOSS.

love and things.

♪ ♫ ♪

death cab for cutie - codes and keys, transatlanticism, plans
piasa - demo 2011
broken bells - self titled 
asian kung-fu generation - kimi tsunagi 5 m

nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan  nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan   nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan.. ♪ ♫ ♪  

(Source: loldevon)